December 23 2024 7:17 pm

Just like with the music log I'm starting this today, I tried learning hmtl and css before but for some reason it didn't really stick until today. I really wanna make improvments to this site as time goes on, and it's funny as I'm writing this I'm realizing I'm proibably gonna have to change the position of stuff in the source code so it's easier to add entry's unless there's a better way to do that but who knows? I'll figure it out but what I really wanna about is how I've been feeling...kinda I think it's a combination of the music I'm listening to plus a friend of mine told me something a little bit upsetting and the weird part is it didn't happen during the time I knew them but the lore makes me wanna kill people. But yeah I hung out with them today and these are some photos from said excursion but I plan on updating this a lot more and I'm already having a lot of fun!

January 19th 2025 2:40 am

After a long awful day at work, I return home and remeber that Neocities exists after like 2 weeks. I then proceed to spend an absurd amount of time redoing my entire layout (that I'm noteven finished with mind you) to the point where I am physically uncomfortable in my chair. My head hurts and my chest hurts I also am embarresed by some dumbshit I sent to a friend of mine. I'm actually so sick of being a freak

Drinking is fun for me because I'm control of myself I'm just ya know dtzy so things are fun. Once again got home from my shit ass job and talked to my driend for a bit and played some games that I don't enjoy. I tried to play Valorant but Riot client is one of the worst clients known to man and has constanly fucked up my pc. To be fair my hardrive is fucked up or maybe the sata cable is loose idk but that plus the ram I installed is givng me errors so I'm really not sure what the issue is. As I'm typing the I realize how fun typing is, I've always been kind of a neet and stuff but I always thought I was so cool I guess because I'm not as bad as some other people I've met......But anyway my point being growing up and realizing what I am and understanding myself is pretty neat but as much as my mind has become whole it makes when it falls apart that much more noticeable. Oh I've also started reading Gleipnir it's pretty neat.

Im sick in the head and I'm a slave to my own desires. I CANT STAND I CANT STAND I CANT STAND IT. There's an image of you on a pedestal in my head and it's my own fault, my lustful infatuation and lack of patience are my undoing. I resent myself for not acting sooner and now I'm forced to endure longer now that I have it. IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE ME INSANE. This is so mellowdramatic but this is the only way my mind can express itself. I'm pent up and I hate you for it.I CAN'T STAND MYSELF. I don't want or mean to be childish but just leave me alone. I don't want you to deal with my emotions and I don't want to even show them to you. I don't even want to tell you that something is wrong because even if I'm honest and don't want to go in depth I look insane. On another note I've been playing Zuma.